Why do I need to make it?
Because it's my way to make a difference.
It's overwhelming, when I appraise the world, and all I feel like I'm seeing is pain. Everyone's despairing, they're all desperate for something - this world's threatening to swallow everyone whole. And I mean, I do have hope - mostly for myself, though, because when I look around at everyone else...goodness, when did the world get so messed up? But it's always been messed up, hasn't it? I've known this, but still, it seemed so far away from me. A tragic, alternate reality that I had always heard about, but kind of brushed aside, because it didn't exist for me in that moment.
Then it struck home. And I've never felt more adult in my life. We were always maturing, getting older, but suddenly, something has shifted, and I'm talking to the same friends I've always had, but we're not kids anymore. Turning 18, starting college - I thought it meant something, but that's not what solidifies one as grown up. It's these situations, where the stakes have been raised, and when I say this is now life or death, I mean it just that - this is literally life or death. This is that real kind of "here today, gone tomorrow." It used to be in a second, everything had changed. Now, in a second, everything is gone.
I see my friends dealing with things that I wish they didn't have to deal with. I'm living vicariously through their pain that I would do anything to take away. I'm standing their helplessly - done with asking "why" and knowing these things had to happen someday, but I've always been into procrastination. Couldn't real life taken a little longer to hit? And now I'm secretly terrified, because we're in a whole different ball game now. Friendships falling apart and parents divorcing - that was child's play. The adult's game - it's much darker. Goodness, is this what coming of age looks likes?
But in spite of this all, I know God is good. I know God is faithful. He has not turned His back, nor will He turn his back. I know this, I really do. But does everyone else know that? And you know, it's not really about me, now is it?
I have this vision. Of Hollywood, but not of flashing lights. Not even of fame. I see myself living to inject something positive into these lives. A smile, a laugh...love. God. I feel hope, and for a second, not just within myself, but for all of them. Goodness, if I could just put a smile on every single person's face. Crafted individually for each one of them and meant to last a lifetime.
Entertainment - it's a gold mine, and no one takes advantage of it except for themselves. When hardly anyone even has true passion for their craft, where can passion for the people experiencing their craft fit in? You can come at it with the goal of wanting to create the best thing possible. Or you can come at it wanting to give people the best thing possible. You can do it for art's sake, or you can do it for their sakes.
I kind of want to change the world. I think with my writing, my comedy, my ideas and whatever talents I have hiding up there - I can do it. I'm not talking world peace, total transformation, everything is perfect and the way it should be kind of business here, though. I dream ambitiously, but I know some limits, and I know perfection cannot exist here on earth. But I want people to know hope. I want people to laugh freely. I want people to experience the transforming love I have through the Lord, Jesus Christ. I want to see a change in the overall demeanor of the world. I want to be able to see light shining through.
And I don't care if Hollywood is the darkest place for a Christian to willingly jump right into, because well, it's the darkest places that need light the most, right? That's just plain logic. The entertainment industry has the most effect on people - my brother will probably more likely listen to Li'l Wayne over my mother - and to picture that influence twisted into something positive...
So I have to make it. Simple as that. That's how I'm gonna do what I've got to do. Do what I love for the people that God loves...the people that I also love.
Goodness, it's not even about fame anymore. It's not about becoming best friends with Taylor Swift or having thousands of people care about my random thought expressed in 140 characters or less. It's never been about the money, and I could live without people liking me. I just have something that I really want to do for this world.
So that's why I'm never letting go of this dream. That's why I refuse to subscribe to whoever's realistic expectations. That's why I only see one path ahead of me, and I determined to stick to it. Because people are crying out for something. This world is decaying, and I know I'm not a savior, but I pray that my Savior will use me to make a difference.
That's all, I think.
